As global life expectancy is on target to increase from 73.6 years of age in 2022 to 78.1 years of age in 2050 worldwide, you might be wondering how this affects us at midlife. While the term midlife is somewhat nebulous, it generally shows up for people between the ages of 35-55. It’s not a specific psychological term, it defines the transitional period when an adult feels a shift from being younger to being older. Sometimes this circles around having children hit their late teens, or feeling a sense of discontent or shifting in their careers. It can be frustrating for HSP men and women because they aren’t quite sure what’s wrong–they just feel different, or outside the bounds of feeling semi-normal in their families and careers. One thing is true: when you face midlife head-on, you can tap into your midlife HSP power in ways non-HSPs cannot.
I was 40 years old when I discovered the work of Dr. Elaine Aron and her seminal book, The Highly Sensitive Person. It changed me drastically from someone who was more unsure of herself to someone who began to claim her midlife HSP power nearly immediately. I no longer felt like I needed to apologize for my sensitivity, but rather embrace and celebrate it. In this article, we’ll look at 10 essentials to tap into your midlife HSP power.
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Some approach midlife kicking and screaming; some ignore the signs and are catapulted into a midlife crisis; others embrace midlife, see it coming, and desire to lean in to find the good. I fell into this latter category when I neared the age of 40. I have been an overachiever most of my life, so it’s no wonder that I was a step ahead when it came to what I termed my “midlife pivot.” I didn’t want to experience a full crash and burn, my aim was to explore what this season looked like for me and make some tweaks to my goals and desires while I was in the driver’s seat. I found that the wisdom I uncovered in midlife brough me deeper self-awareness, acceptance, and clarity.
Through my experience, these 10 essentials surfaced as benefits from stepping into my midlife HSP power:
Essential #1 for Midlife HSP Power – Inner Wisdom and Authenticity
Letting go of societal expectations and embracing one’s true self has become easier than it’s ever been. For HSPs, it’s possible that you’ve had bad boundaries, you haven’t given yourself enough self-care, or you’ve subjugated your sensitivity for many, many years and need to recover and reclaim your tender, sensitive inner person. Midlife can be a beautiful time for pouring more time and energy into yourself, your personal development, and your closest interpersonal relationships. Stepping into your gifts as an authentic and sensitive soul can evoke beauty, acceptance, and joy.
Essential #2 for Midlife HSP Power – Letting Go
When I think of letting go, I think of a child releasing a balloon into the atmosphere accidentally, then finding immense joy in watching the balloon rise up and float away. If only it were so easy. For many, letting go only comes after death gripping situations and relationships to the point of no return–blowing past our boundaries, expectations, and hopes for peace. Sometimes within the process of letting go there is a resignation or relegation to accept what is, to live and learn, and to effortlessly let go of our desired outcome of a given situation or relationship.
The 2005 song penned and recorded by Jo Dee Messina entitled, My Give a Damn’s Busted shares valuable realizations and brings to mind the point at which we can no longer care for something outside us in the same way, we have to retreat, accept, and take care of ourselves.
The middle of the song says:
You can say you’ve got issues
You can say you’re a victim
It’s all your parents fault
I mean, after all, you didn’t pick ’em
Maybe somebody else has got time to listen
My give a damn’s busted
Well, your therapist says
“It was all a mistake
A product of the Prozac
And your codependent ways
So, who’s your enabler these days?”
My give a damn’s busted
I really wanna care
I wanna feel something
Let me dig a little deeper
Nah, still nothing
While the song pokes fun at a very frustrating and sometimes emotionally debilitating scenario, there is beauty and freedom in releasing perfectionism, past regrets, and the need for external validation.
Essential #3 for Midlife HSP Power – Resilience
Recognizing difficulties and stepping into challenges with resilience is a hard-won state to be in. Resilience often shows up on the other side of challenge. It surprises us as we find reserves for endurance we thought we did not have. I can manage knowing the hard times will pass. I can manage knowing I have been here before and I’ll be here again, but I won’t be the same person. I’ll be a revised and improved version of myself able to take on new challenges as they come and delve into my resilience stores for transformation and evolution. Only time, experience, and age bring us to this indelible state of relying on our internal resilience to find true meaning and joy, irregardless of our circumstances. Recognizing that challenges shape growth and that setbacks are opportunities for learning is a sign of wisdom.
Essential #4 for Midlife HSP Power – Boundaries
Many sensitive people struggle with boundaries–both internal (with ourselves) and external (with others). We learned bad coping mechanisms as youth and young adults, and carry these poor habits well into adulthood. Some of us grew up in dysfunctional families. Some might have even had alcohol or substance abuse along with addiction’s bedfellow, codependency. If you haven’t spent any time working on noticing, evaluating, and redrawing your personal boundaries, there’s no better time like the present. Understanding the importance of saying no, conserving energy, and prioritizing what truly matters is tantamount during midlife.
Essential #5 for Midlife HSP Power – Gratitude & Presence
Something lovely begins to take shape around midlife: We start to appreciate things in a new way as we notice each year doesn’t always promise sunshine and rainbows. Once you’ve been taken down a peg by illness, loss, or depression, you learn to appreciate life for all its simple beauties and benefits. We HSPs have the ability to sit in the present tense, look around us and value the beauty of God’s creation, see the wonder and awe in all of it–and experience a transcendent resplendence that is being alive. We in essence, experience a new sense of thankfulness on the other side of youth that is paradoxical.
I find myself on the other side of enduring a terrible car accident, lose of three loved ones, and cancer, being extremely grateful for feet to walk, warm coffee, good friends, new friends, close family, children who love me, the ability to write–and I can find joy in the present moment and appreciating simple pleasures now more than ever.
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Essential #6 for Midlife HSP Power – Legacy & Impact
Nearing the second half of life also means contemplating one’s legacy left behind and impact within and beyond one’s family. I find myself asking what matters most and what can I leave behind, whether in relationships, work, or creativity. I find I have a confidence in my own character and easier time saying no to things that don’t contribute to my goals. I no longer seek notoriety or wealth, I desire meaning, purpose, and desire to give more time to others who need championing, coaching, and mentoring. On the other side of midlife, we are all guides in the Hero’s Journey–providing insight and answers to the most challenging dilemmas.
Essential #7 for Midlife HSP Power – Compassion
After midlife, we see a truer picture of how no one escapes this life without suffering in one form or another. Perhaps we have suffered; if we haven’t suffered directly, we’ve seen our parents or loved ones endure suffering. Our hearts bleed for the injustice of the world and we don’t sit by silently, we lend our compassionate HSP souls to the cause of healing in a variety of ways. I find myself more interested in volunteering for causes like Compassion International or Goodwill. Donating money and time when I can to ease the world’s anguish. I read the news and pray for the world. And, when I see suffering taking place in my direct path, I am to love well, devoting my time and energy to give and support when I can, as my boundaries and self-care allow. You, my midlife HSP friends, have greater empathy for the world, for others, and for yourself, as you acknowledge everyone’s struggles around you.
Essential #8 for Midlife HSP Power – Shifting Priorities
Taking compassion on the world, volunteering, and spending more time on self-care give way to shifting priorities, as none of us can “do it all.” Also, we when truly see what matters most, it is inevitable that our priorities change. We find ourselves focused less on success and more about focusing on the 5% that matters most. We move away from external achievement to focus on meaning, relationships, and well-being. This doesn’t mean we can’t still have a career, in fact, many times HSPs make a shift to incorporate their shifting priorities into a midlife pivot to a different career. Be open to these shifts and make space for something new during this special and sacred zone of life.
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Essential #9 for Midlife HSP Power – Simplicity
Alongside building better boundaries comes the desire for simplicity. Simple is best, simple is freeing and creates space for more joy–seeking a less cluttered life, both physically and emotionally. Learning to say no, respect yourself and others, and find simple ways to seek enjoyment, clarity, and meaning is vital. A simple life is a joyful life. Midlife is a wonderful time to embrace simplicity.
Essential #10 for Midlife HSP Power – Spiritual & Existential Growth
Faith is considered a gift, not something you can fabricate or engineer. During midlife, we see more need for engaging with our faith, if we haven’t been a strong person of faith in previous years. We see the length of life before us and know that this isn’t all there is. We see younger generations growing and can see the full circle implications of a life with God at the center. While our faith and spirituality frequently waxes and wanes with our circumstances, during midlife, we see a continuous thread in and through all of life–one that can carry us through to the end of life. I know I can trust my gift of faith and rely on my cloud of witnesses–exploring deeper questions about life, purpose, and what truly matters.
Be sensitive, be free
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