Ever hear a voice in your head say something like this: “You’re not doing enough,” “You’re not that good with money,” “You’re not ready yet,” or my personal favorite, “C’mon, you’re being too sensitive?” That my friend, is your inner critic. As a highly sensitive person (HSP), criticism can put unnecessary pressure on our nervous system — making us feel anxious, lowering our self-esteem, and keeping us small. Some criticism is external — family, society, social media. But a lot of our criticism comes from within.
I’m not here to analyze where the inner critic has drawn its inspiration from (most likely in our developmental years from our caregivers and society at large), or why we have one in the first place (to keep us safe),i because that would require years of therapy, and I’m not a therapist. Instead, I’m here to offer you suggestions on how to tame your inner critic by sharing what’s worked for me, so you feel more at-ease, confident, and take more risks.
Table of Contents
Notice When Your Inner Critic Appears
The first step to taming your critic is awareness. You have to be aware of the problem and situation at large before you can make any change. Notice when your inner critic pops up.
For instance, mine usually pops up when I’m stepping outside of my comfort zone, when I want to make a change, or around my sensitivity. If you were shamed for something as a child, especially something that’s a part of you — like sensitivity — chances are your inner critic is also saying some not so nice things about this same topic and making you feel bad about it.
We have so many fleeting thoughts per day it can be hard to keep track of them all. But when you’re feeling down, it’s likely because of your inner critic. Take note of when/where your inner critic appears, what’s being said, and emotions that arise. You’ll start to notice that certain situations will activate your inner critic and that it’ll say the same hurtful things to you over and over again until you truly believe it (e.g. “Whenever you cry it’s a sign of weakness” or “Your sensitivity is a burden to you and others”).
The good news is that as an HSP, you’re probably already very self-aware of your emotions and attitudes. This will give you a head start in noticing your inner critic and its triggers.
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Acknowledge and Name Your Inner Critic as an HSP
Don’t deny your inner critic; that will make the voice even louder and more challenging to deal with. Some theories have likened the inner critic to an extension of our inner child who is trying to tell us that they’re hurt. Imagine a little you who is scared or frightened — would you ignore them? Of course not! Listen to what they have to say and acknowledge the feeling that it brings up. In other words, don’t get wrapped up in the thought but instead have some self-compassion.
Maybe there’s an unmet need you can address. Perhaps you need some extra love, tenderness, patience, or understanding. Let’s say you’ve been pushing yourself hard at work and your inner critic pops up, saying, “You’re not doing enough/you’re not good at your job.” Acknowledge the inner critic, feel the emotions that arise (e.g. defeated, overwhelmed), and recognize that you need to take more breaks.
To put some distance between you and your inner critic (because that voice isn’t you — it’s a thought) — personify it. My inner critic is Angela from The Office — she’s the total opposite of me, and when my inner critic appears, I say, “Hey there, Angela, I see you.”
For an HSP, criticism can feel particularly intense, as it may trigger feelings of rejection and abandonment linked to our desire for belonging. It can also leave us feeling insecure or doubtful when we don’t live up to our own expectations. That’s why I find it particularly helpful to name my inner critic—it creates a barrier between me and my negative thoughts, allowing me to reclaim my power by deciding whether or not to believe what my inner critic says.
5 Best Practices for Working with an HSP Coach
Challenge Your Inner Critic as an HSP
Just because your inner critic says something about you, it doesn’t mean it’s true. Once you notice and acknowledge what your inner critic is saying, the next step is to challenge it…not to an actual duel, but by finding evidence that refutes its words. For example, when your inner critic says something like, “No one loves you,” pause and really think about it. Is it true that no one loves or cares about you? I’m sure there’s plenty of evidence that disproves this in the words and actions of those nearest and dearest to you. Over time, you’ll start to see just how mean and ridiculous your inner critic can be.
As an HSP, we’re eager to grow, so try thinking of disarming your inner critic as fun practice. Instead of automatically going into a negative spiral, you can become adept at dodging your inner critic – giving you peace of mind.
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Embrace Who You Are as an HSP (and Tame Your Inner Critic)
I’m not sure you can ever really rid yourself of your inner critic. Maybe it’ll be less mean, or those thoughts won’t turn into a negative spiral, or the voice will be quieter over time, but let’s stop making ourselves feel bad when we feel bad, ok? As an HSP it’s easy to get bogged down by our negative thoughts but our superpower is that we can also feel elated (more so than the average person) with the positive – whether it’s our thoughts, a walk in nature, or simply chatting with a friend who brings out the best in us.
I know it can be challenging to feel all the feels — it’s what makes us unique. Let’s not forget that being an HSP is a gift. We’re more attuned with ourselves, able to easily sense others’ feelings, and gauge the energy in a room. When we’re passionate about something—whether it’s a hobby, an interest, or our work—we tend to invest our whole selves into it. The world can be tough at times, so it’s important not to let our inner critic take control and add to that harshness. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate these steps and remind yourself of how valuable your sensitivity is in this world.
Be sensitive, be free
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